


The YouTubes Made Me Do It

by Kelpie169



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 20:59:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13085253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelpie169/pseuds/Kelpie169
Summary: George has a special surprise for his girlfriend after Hermione shows him how to navigate YouTube. Who knows if the former Slytherin will like it or not.





	The YouTubes Made Me Do It

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [DFFandCabalChristmasFest](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DFFandCabalChristmasFest) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Justin Timberlake's "Dick in a Box", a house elf, homemade biscuits, "I didn't realize we were expecting anyone."
> 
> Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. Unless it came from another story of mine. Then I might. But then again I might not. And either way I'm not making money on it so...yeah.
> 
> Hope you enjoy lovelies!

“Holy balls, mate! I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it!”

Hermione stared in open mouthed horror, the box of homemade biscuits in her hand dropping to the floor, while Pansy cocked a perfectly arched eyebrow as she kept up the back and forth movement of her hand inside the box conveniently located right at George’s crotch level as she straddled his lap. George grit his teeth, his head flopped backward on the couch, and Fred bit back a barking laugh at the situation they’d inadvertently walked into.

“I didn’t realize we were expecting anyone, Granger. You’ve put us in quite the awkward situation.”

“ _ I’ve _ put  _ you _ in an awkward situation?!” Hermione’s voice grew more shrill as she continued to stare in horror at her boyfriend’s brother and his unlikely girlfriend. “What in the world do you think you’re doing?  _ Still doing?!  _ Honestly, have you no shame?!”

“It’s  _ me _ , Granger. What do you think?!” Pansy chuckled darkly, a wicked grin on her face.

“It’s really your fault, Mione.” George ground out as he reluctantly pulled Pansy’s hand from the wrapped package surrounding his own...package. “You’re the one that showed us that YouTube on the interwebs-”

“ _ Internet! _ ”

“-so it’s not like you can totally blame us for getting ideas.”

Silence reigned for a moment before Hermione slowly spun on her heel, her arms crossed tightly over her chest as she glared at her own boyfriend. “What does he mean by ‘us’?”

Fred groaned and gestured crudely to his twin. “Thanks, Forge.”

x . x . 2 Hours Earlier . x . x 

“I’s be taking your gift sir.”

George smiled down at the tiny elf. “Thanks Stumpy, but this one I need to deliver in person.”

The elf’s ears flopped dangerously as he shook his head emphatically and reached his tiny arms out for the wrapped package in front of George. “No. I has instructions from Missy Pansy! All prezzies must be puts under the tree!”

“Stumpy, please trust me. I’ll take the blame. You won’t get in trouble.” George fought to dodge the small creature as he leapt, his arms outstretched as if to snatch the box away. 

A yelp escaped the man’s throat as he was tackled to the ground in a spectacular takedown before the elf scrambled up the wizard’s body to sit on his chest, tugging viciously at the box.

“Whys wonts it come off?!”

“Stumpy! You’ve got to stop!” 

“Honestly, George! You and that elf…”

The sharp clicking of monstrously high heels paused the action happening on the floor of the sitting room as the wizard and elf both stared up in the unamused face of the lady of the house.

“Mistress Pansy! Mister George wouldn’t gives me the box!”

“It’s alright, Stumpy. I’ll handle it from here. Go have a bit of a lie down, alright?”

The relieved elf popped away as George struggled to his feet, his freckled face flushed with embarrassment. 

He took a deep breath as Pansy just stared at him, her eyebrows rising higher and higher on her forehead as she took in his outfit. 

“What in Merlin’s name are you wearing? And what died on your face?!” George ran a hand over the facial hair he was still getting used to and smirked as he pulled at the lapel of his ridiculous vintage 80’s jacket. “Where’s your wand? How are you levitating that package?”

“Oh, love, you could say I  _ am  _ using my wand. Just not the one I got at Ollivanders.” He winked roguishly at his girlfriend as he air humped the box toward her.

The normally stoic former Slytherin snorted in a supremely unladylike fashion and choked on a laugh. “Seriously, George?”

“Oh yeah, baby.” He winked in an entirely too over the top way and gestured dramatically to his crotch. “Why don’t you just-take the lid off and see what you get for Christmas you, naughty girl, you...”

Cautiously, since she was dating George Weasley, she stepped forward and reached a hand out to take the lid from the rest of the wrapped box. 

“Pans, you actually have to  _ look _ in the box, ya know.”

She cracked one eye open and glanced down...only to burst out laughing. “Oh dear bloody fucking  _ hell! _ ”

Her wrist was caught in the cardboard as George slammed the lid back down in a fit of pique, a scowl marring his usually handsome features. “Well, you don’t have to  _ laugh _ at the poor bloke. You’re usually quite complementary to the little fellow.”

He paused as she bit her lip to hold in another round of laughter. “Scratch that. Not little fellow. Large. Large fellow. Huge, in fact.”

Pansy’s delicate hold on her composure broke at that and she collapsed backward onto the sofa in a fit of uncharacteristic giggles. George flopped backward into an overstuffed armchair, his arms crossed awkwardly over his chest as his box pushed upward in his lap as he pouted. 

“Why in the bloody balls would you do something like that?! Is it just your cock in the box? Or are you bollocks shoved in there as well? I didn’t get that good of a look!” Pansy collapsed backward in laughter again, her hand clutched to her side as she curled in on herself to alleviate the cramp developing in her side.

George scowled again in her direction. “Well maybe if you hadn’t  _ laughed _ at me you would’ve seen.”

Seeing that her boyfriend was truly offended, Pansy reigned in her amusement and straightened herself up. “I’m sorry, love. Truly. So seriously, what brought this on?"

A small smirk played on the redhead mischief makers lips as he peeked at her through his lashed. “You really want to know?”

x . x . x . x . x 

“George? Why have we apparated into a men’s room?”

Pansy glanced around the filthy lavatory and cringed. 

He glanced back at her apologetically as he grabbed her hand and tugged her into a dimly lit hallway. “Sorry, Pans. It’s the closest apparation point because no one ever goes in there.”

“I wonder why…”

“Exactly. Anyway, we’re here at the Interwebs Cafe so you can see what sparked this idea.” She could hear the laughter in his voice and grinned indulgently. 

They emerged from the box strewn hallway to a brightly lit cafe with tables covered with computers. Pansy recognized them from her time spent with Hermione, though she’d never had occasion to use one before and had no idea what these  _ interwebs _ George kept talking about were. 

“So...what now?”

George glanced at the counter and back at the various computers scattered around the cafe. “Uh, are you hungry? Thirsty?”

Pansy glared at him. “After the lavatory situation?”

“Good point. Okay, so you pay for time on one of these compoopers and then you can get on the interwebs.” George beamed proudly as he chose a computer and began sifting through his pockets for Muggle change.

Money deposited, keys plucked excruciatingly slowly until Pansy was huffing and whispering threats of bodily harm into his ear, and finally George had the video he wanted pulled up on the computer.

“And here it is. Hermione showed us this website called YouTube. She kept showing us all these stupid  _ educational _ videos,” he sighed and rolled his eyes, pouting at Pansy  theatrically. “But Fred and I explored…”

“Let me guess. You’re about to show me the inspiration for your cock in a box thing?”

“It’s  _ Dick _ in a box, love. Get it right.”

Pansy grinned and planted a kiss on his cheek with a giggle. “Oh, pardon me. My mistake.”

With a flourish and too much pomp for the circumstance, George hit ‘play’ and let Pansy watch the glory that was the SNL short ‘Dick in a Box’. 

x . x . Back at Home . x . x

“Wow.”

“You keep saying that.”

“I know, but like...wow.”

George groaned as he flopped back onto the couch, the box he still wore on his crotch bouncing slightly. “Pans, are you going to be doing this all night long?”

“Aw, is poor Georgie feeling all left out?” The former Slytherin asked as she crawled forward , her skirt riding high on her legs as she straddled his legs.

“Well,” his head shot up as her small hands worked their way into the odd 80’s jacket he still wore. “Now that you mention it…”

“Well, now I can’t have that, now can I?”

With that, Pansy lifted the lid and tossed it over her shoulder as George’s eyebrow rose sardonically. 

“Oh really, love?”

A wicked grin was his only answer as Pansy reached forward, her hand wrapping around his cock. Interestingly enough, she did find that his bollocks were indeed shoved into the box as well.

A shrill shriek and a dull thud was the only indication that the couple was no longer alone a few minutes later, though Stumpy had failed to announce any visitors. 

“Holy balls, mate! I didn’t think you’d actually go through with it!”

Hermione stared in open mouthed horror, the box of homemade biscuits in her hand dropping to the floor, while Pansy cocked a perfectly arched eyebrow as she kept up the back and forth movement of her hand inside the box conveniently located right at George’s crotch level as she straddled his lap. George grit his teeth, his head flopped backward on the couch, and Fred bit back a barking laugh at the situation they’d inadvertently walked into.

“I didn’t realize we were expecting anyone, Granger. You’ve put us in quite the awkward situation.”

“ _ I’ve _ put  _ you _ in an awkward situation?!” Hermione’s voice grew more shrill as she continued to stare in horror at her boyfriend’s brother and his unlikely girlfriend. “What in the world do you think you’re doing?  _ Still doing?!  _ Honestly, have you no shame?!”

“It’s  _ me _ , Granger. What do you think?!” Pansy chuckled darkly, a wicked grin on her face.

“It’s really your fault, Mione.” George ground out as he reluctantly pulled Pansy’s hand from the wrapped package surrounding his own...package. “You’re the one that showed us that YouTube on the interwebs-”

“ _ Internet! _ ”

“-so it’s not like you can totally blame us for getting ideas.”

Silence reigned for a moment before Hermione slowly spun on her heel, her arms crossed tightly over her chest as she glared at her own boyfriend. “What does he mean by ‘us’?”

Fred groaned and gestured crudely to his twin. “Thanks, Forge.”

“Well, you see when you showed us The YouTubes-”

“ _ Just _ YouTube, George.” Hermione huffed in exasperation, her toe tapping impatiently.

“-we started exploring a bit. And we found this video called... _ dickinabox _ ...and-”

Hermione gaped at her boyfriend’s brother for a moment before holding up her hand. “Wait, wait. What was that video called again?”

“Dick in a box.”

Pansy bit her lip to keep in her laughter at the site of her friend’s nearly apocalyptic rage.

“And you what? Decided to reenact that video?” Hermione’s voice had reached that screechy level that would have had Harry and Ron running for cover. 

Fred and George exchanged glances. “Well, we talked about it-”

“-but I honestly didn’t think he’d  _ do _ it!”

“Uh, can I just say that I’m particularly glad he did! I had fun today!” Pansy giggled as all of the room’s other occupants turned toward her. She shrugged unapologetically and flopped back on the couch next to her lover.

Hermione humphed as she glared back and forth between the twins. 

“Well Gred, I think we should probably skip over Motherlover. Ya know, seeing as we have the same Mum and all.”

“I reckon so, Forge. Best to jump straight to Three Way.” Fred glanced between his girlfriend and Pansy with a wide grin. “Any volunteers?”

Over Hermione’s indignant shriek, Pansy giggled maniacally and threw in an over the top wink. “There’s no rule that says you need two blokes to have a three way, right Mione?”

The twins glanced at each other, then back to Pansy, a look of complete disbelief on their faces. 

“Say word?!”


End file.
